Warning: this is a rambling post. Basically thinking out loud. Whining, yes that's there too but hey this is my blog.
For those of you who know me personally you know that I'm a pretty blunt person (I think). I like to say things how they are, at least that's what I thought until today. Today I realized it's not that I like to say things how they are I just don't like politicking. That's it. I like to be nice to everyone, if I disagree I'll disagree. It's not that I dont' like you, or that you're ideas are wrong, I just disagree. I'm not trying to offend you, or even judge you. I'm allowed to have my own opinion and it's ok if you have a different one. Just don't however, get all huffy, beligerent if I disagree with you. I entitle you to have your opinion, let me have mine.
I've discovered that many people (mostly women and democrats :-D) in the church get offended if you disagree with them. Which is really awkward because then they don't like to talk to you and make things really weird. It's the whole saying don't hold grudges because the person who you're mad at usually doesn't have a clue at it's only you that's having issues. Yep I'm usually on the receiving end of that (wonder why, seriously, why?) Can't people just realize that I say what I think because I think we are all adults and can handle each others opinions like adults and respect each other like adults and you know what IT'S OK.
I was examining the friends that I have vs. the people with whom I'm associations with. Most of my friends, including the ones from college, are people who like to share their ideas as well as receive others' ideas in turn. This is not just the fake, blank look on the face, I'm pretending to listen to you but I'm really not listening to a thing you're saying. This is truly listening to the person with whom you are communicating. It's by doing this we grow to understand each other and every once in a while come across some new knowledge that is just down right facinating. Having a relationship with other people is a give take thing. My dad and mom are like that. We were raised like that. We were raised to value other people's opinions and them individually as people. They may have funky ideas and thoughts, but hey, that's ok because they are special in their own right. It's the whole idea of taking the good out of everything and leaving the bad or the stuff you don't care to include in your life.
Today it hit me that I have 3 friends here (I count couples as one because hey, let's face it you have to be friends with both of them because what you tell one, you've told the other, which is a good thing). I have Jeanie, who is just an amazing person, she is my friend who I can't/don't really talk about the spiritual stuff in life because she doesn't want that in her life. I have J and M, S's parents, whom I see everyday, who are some of the most genuine people I've ever met and people who in the long run I would like to be like. They are active and do things, stuff that in my heart of hearts are stuff I just dream of doing... and with their help do more of. These are the friend that many times you are envious of... you know the ones that run, are active and for some reason no matter how busy they are the have time to do things. The will always make time for you and whatever is needed. The people most of us want to be like. Then I have M and MJ. M and MJ are my only church friends that I have. What I mean by that is these are the people that genuinely care about me and mine and I about them, not just the generic hey, how ya doing people tend to give each other. It hit me today that M and MJ will only be here for about another month. *whaaaaa!!!!!!!* no really I have tears in my eyes right now. Do you know how lonely that suddenly made me feel to realize that?! I realized that while we were chatting in the library today during church. *cry* I need tissues just a minute.
OK so knowing that they will be leaving for the last few months I've been on the hunt for some true kindred spirits. People with whom I can have the close familial support here before the rug is pulled out from under me with M and MJ moving. DO YOU KNOW HOW STINKING HARD THAT IS?! Seriously people. I have never met so many politicking people in my life! If they don't think you can better their standings in the line of public opinion they won't talk to you more than a nice hello at church. If you try to engage them they look funny at you. If you call them during the week to check on them they are like "Vanessa who?" I have been trying so hard since moving here 2 years ago to make friends here. After a full year of being here I finally met M and MJ and they essentially saved me from complete loniness (note: this does not include Kevin because he's always there for me but he's a med student his time is limited). I have tried having people over for dinner, talking to them at church every week, calling them at home, trying to make friends. Did it work? It's been two years and I'm in tears because M and MJ are leaving me. If you know me personally you know this is scary for me because I am a VERY social person, especially when it comes to church. I like having people over, I like people, always have (you can stop laughing at this last sentence now Motts). sigh oh well suck it up ness.
OK I've done venting now. Actually, I just thought of some people who I'm going to invite to dinner on Saturday. I only have this to say. Try to make sure you are a genuine person. Treat others as if they are important because they are. Everyone is a child of God. These people that I've tried to make friends with are too. Many of them are very nice, they just aren't friend friends. You know the kind I mean. The ones that care seriously about you and yours. Maybe it's just because I grew up hispanic. We're all like that. Or hey, down in the south. We're like that down there too. Or hey maybe I just need to suck it up. yep that's what I'll do. That's what always happens. anyone have a straw?
