The games people play

It's interesting how we discover who we are and how that effects our perceptions on life and our experiences. After going to BYU young and going through culture shock there (going from GA it was a huge shock) I started to have a very sarcastic frame of mind. EVERYTHING can be mocked and usually is. Even though I don't say anything (too timid) I am secretly holding comments unbidden although not unwelcome in my mind. I believe I am a rational being, someone who can see the details of situations and know instinctively what people are thinking and what needs to be done. However, people don't like my opinions most of the time due to the harsh realities that many of the problems that need fixing are petty and egotistical in behavior (not mine of course). I can't stand games and word play for instance. This was one of the behaviors that sent me into a tailspin when I went out to BYU. I learned that people don't mean what they say and many people are severely offended when you say what you mean and don't beat around the bush to save people's sensitivities. The posturing infuriates me. I've discovered that this stems from peoples insecurities. I can't stand that. I feel if people enjoy who they are and are comfortable with who they've become we would have a better community. I suppose this line of thinking has stemmed from my only interactions with the human race older than 3 and Kev. I have about 5 women who I see on the regular basis. 2 of which are comfortable saying whatever pops into their heads and 3 who are so self conscious or self posturing that it makes me frustrated and annoyed to be in their company. They are constantly afraid of who they are. I suppose I think of Nelson Mandela's speech where he stated "When we let our light shine we unconsciously let others do the same." I've discovered that this line of thinking has two effects. 1. People love being in your company and 2. People think you are obnoxious because you really don't care what they think of you good or bad. I discovered the other day that it isn't the kids that make me tired at the end of the day. Granted tending 5 toddler and 1 6 month old take their toll at the end of the day (Yes, yesterday was a bear when it came to taking care of the kids. Usually I have them staggered but all the schedules collided yesterday). However, it was the posturing of one of the mothers that completely exhausted me yesterday. This is one of those people who refuse to buy anything unless it is the MOST expensive MOST designer whatever they can get their hands on. It was trying because I also had my friend Jeanie (who will cuss up a blue streak on cue and laugh at anyone who gives her a funny look. Which has just endeared her to my heart because of it) over picking up Caroline as well and this other mother wanted to pretend to be as good as a friend as Jeanie was to me. Let's just say it was weird. Very weird. Oddness. Up until this mother came over I was fine with the kids. Hey I even had enough masochistic tendencies, energy to make cupcakes and give them to 5 toddlers to eat (yes they were everywhere). After that though I was beat! Ahhh the posturing must begin again. They are here. Must go. sigh. I was having fun with my two and the baby. ** note: Montse brought up a good point. Yep it's rude to speak your mind. I usually don't however it annoys me to no end. I just silently mock and vow to be better, more blunt and yet charmingly tackful.